There are two major ways people interact with others: 1. Relational -- you are focused on how the interaction strengthens the relationship 2. Transactional -- you are focused on what you will get out of the interaction #1 thinks #2 is: abrasive, cold, self-centered, mercurial, unkind. #2 thinks #1 is: inefficient, misguided, political, weak, foolish People gravitate to leaning more one than the other, but both modes of being are important in different contexts (eg with family / friends, people tend to be more relationship; with service providers people tend to be more transactional). The modern workplace is an interesting intersection of the two, hence where we see many more conflicts of style. One helpful thing in a conflict is to ask: what is the mode of interaction that each person is bringing to the table? How can you better align? If you can "match modes" things get a lot easier.